I was having a rough day today. I woke up to Anna asking me at 6:30am to fix her hair. I wasn't grateful that she was already dressed, I was frustrated that I got woken up! Then I am taking a shower and my two big girls are making toast for everyone to eat for breakfast. I come down to find a HUGE mess in my kitchen, I am not thankful that they by themselves decided to do that for me. I then go up to get myself fixed up, five minutes later I have Joseph crying with juice all over his clean outfit. He tells me that Lillian spilled his juice.......Elizabeth tells me all over the couch. I am not thankful that I have kids that can run and make messes, I am FURIOUS because number one I have a meeting where we will be sitting on that couch in a couple of hours and number two we ONLY eat in our kitchen at our house. I am not thankful for Elizabeth that already has the carpet cleaner and rags out and is trying to clean it up for me, I am just mad at the BIG mess that I once again have to clean. Then I get everyone out the door, we are running here and chasing there. I am not thankful for a car that starts up or thankful I have money to drive that car. I am just feeling rushed to get the girls where they need to be and Anna, Joseph, Sammy and I were we need to be. I just want to enjoy summer and feel like we have been bogged down by appointments, interviews, meetings, messes you name it. I want to sit and play with my kids....but yet there is so much to do. Anyways, today I was feeling stressed and just not happy with the way our summer is going. I just felt overwhelmed with everything. One of those days!
We get to therapy. And I am watching my little guy crawl like a pro and pull up to play with these balls in the video using his affected arm effortlessly. While we are working on the mat, I see our PT working with another guy about four years old. He more then likely is a has quad CP. They are trying to get him to sit up and he cries and tells them that it hurts him. As we are getting ready to go, they are leaving too. He is in his stroller holding chocolate milk between his wrist. His straw is pointing the opposite direction and he couldn't drink it. His mom was talking so I said "Hey, buddy let me help you with that." I turned the straw to face him and he looked up at me with his sweet eyes and said "Thank you!" I was SEVERELY humbled by this experience. I just have nothing to complain about. Sometimes we need these wake up calls to just to give us a bit of perspective. I am sitting at the computer looking outside at my three beautiful girls running around and around, and it makes me sad that this sweet boy I just met, will never get to run around. I remember last December I just was so depressed, just couldn't breathe sometimes with all the anxiety and sadness that my heart felt. I realized that I wasn't grieving for just Sammy. Sammy is one of the lucky ones, he will run, he will jump. I was reading and reading story upon story of other babies that wouldn't be able to do these things, and I just felt sick. Sick that I took so much for granted, sick that I can walk up stairs and drive a car and not even think about it. As much as I wish I can say I don't take things for granted anymore, you can see I still do BIG TIME. But I also have days like today where I look at my life and realize I have a great life, great kids, an amazing husband and at the end of the day we are all healthy and happy.
We get to therapy. And I am watching my little guy crawl like a pro and pull up to play with these balls in the video using his affected arm effortlessly. While we are working on the mat, I see our PT working with another guy about four years old. He more then likely is a has quad CP. They are trying to get him to sit up and he cries and tells them that it hurts him. As we are getting ready to go, they are leaving too. He is in his stroller holding chocolate milk between his wrist. His straw is pointing the opposite direction and he couldn't drink it. His mom was talking so I said "Hey, buddy let me help you with that." I turned the straw to face him and he looked up at me with his sweet eyes and said "Thank you!" I was SEVERELY humbled by this experience. I just have nothing to complain about. Sometimes we need these wake up calls to just to give us a bit of perspective. I am sitting at the computer looking outside at my three beautiful girls running around and around, and it makes me sad that this sweet boy I just met, will never get to run around. I remember last December I just was so depressed, just couldn't breathe sometimes with all the anxiety and sadness that my heart felt. I realized that I wasn't grieving for just Sammy. Sammy is one of the lucky ones, he will run, he will jump. I was reading and reading story upon story of other babies that wouldn't be able to do these things, and I just felt sick. Sick that I took so much for granted, sick that I can walk up stairs and drive a car and not even think about it. As much as I wish I can say I don't take things for granted anymore, you can see I still do BIG TIME. But I also have days like today where I look at my life and realize I have a great life, great kids, an amazing husband and at the end of the day we are all healthy and happy.
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3 comments:
Everyone has days like that. How wonderful that the little boy was able to help put things in perspective. We are lucky when we get reminders like that, aren't we?
This post made me cry. First of all, you are an amazing Mom and we all know that you look on the bright side. Do not be so hard on yourself that you had a rough morning.
We are so blessed. Do you know what amazes m, if you talked to that Mom, she would most likely tell you how blessed she feels that he can communicate and that he is doing so well. It is amazing how we all have the ability to look on the bright side!
Thanks for the inspiring post.
Beautiful post. I agree with Kiera though - don't be too hard on yourself. These reminders are great to have sometimes and definitely put things in perspective. I have no doubt that you're grateful for everything you have.
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